i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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