nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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