Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
