I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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