he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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