that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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