____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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