He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
