That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
