she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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