Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
