I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
