sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
