I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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