Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
