Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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