This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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