Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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