i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
