is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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