ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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