a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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