The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've blown a few things in my day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm passing your future prison.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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