Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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