I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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