ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
