You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
