He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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