I can text with my tongue
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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