You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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