I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everything about him screamed your future.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We just shotgunned beers for America
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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