um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
