just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
