you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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