I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
