we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
