I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize