that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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