The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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