she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
