My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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