3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
