I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
