just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
