he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
