I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
