Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize