Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
