I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize