my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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