she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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