In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
