i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
