yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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