Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
