new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
