youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
