RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
