Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
