Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
