were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
