i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
