I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize