awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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