So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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