You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
