He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
