Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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