Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
