help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
