Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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