also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
