did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
