Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
