I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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