I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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