my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
