69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
