wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
