he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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