if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
