Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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