How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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