Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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